Review by Vitha Weitemeyer. Psychologist and author of ”Forelsket i en drøm” (In love with a dream)

“In a psychologically abusive relationship, you are the victim of extensive manipulation and systematic degradation, which causes the offended party to live with confusion, anxiety and insecurity.

The offender craves power and control and, in reality, the struggle to be the strong one in a relationship reflects a weakness in the offender who suffers from a crippled self-image.

Signe M. Hegestand’s book is relevant to a large number of people who either live in or have lived in a psychologically abusive relationship. I know from first-hand experience with clients in my own practice. Most of the victims are women.

“Psychological Abuse – How to move on” is a deeply personal book, in which the author is generous in sharing her own experience all the while using her knowledge and experience as a professional psychologist.

The book can be helpful to those who experience an ex-partner flashing his new, “happy” life on social media. Such clients often revert to self-criticism and self-bashing i.e., “apparently, she is much better”, “I am not good enough”. Which is the very purpose of parading around a new, terrific life. These people need compassion and guidance, which the book delivers by reminding them that – for the love of God – they were not happy in the relationship.

The book is particularly helpful to women who have mutual children with a psychologically abusive father. Once more, Hegestand does not refrain from sharing her personal experience which renders the book very credible. “Psychological Abuse” is an easy-to-read book, which is intended to help and support women who are in a difficult situation.

In its open-hearted manner and with its good advice and reflections, it helps these women along the way. The book is equipped with a toolbox of specific directions about how to handle having children with a psychologically abusive ex-partner.

Hegestand is absorbed by the choices a person has to make to achieve a renewed sense of purpose and joy of life. It is important not to cultivate a victim-role when you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship but rather to work on being your own master. It is important not to label the love of the problematic relationship as wrong.

The author underlines the importance of forgiveness. Which must not be confused with accepting the transgressions and betrayal. To forgive the unforgivable is to let go and, thereby, freeing yourself. Forgiveness is a choice as well as process.

At the end of the book, the author reflects on whether she should have used herself as example as much as she does. And she owns her choice, thereby breaking a predominant taboo among psychologists concerning self-exposition. Her intent was to break the taboo about psychological abuse by giving the reader a first-hand account.

I deeply respect her choice. I am certain there are many takes on whether it is too much and whether the book is too personal. One thing remains certain; the book is a good tool for many people in their struggle to liberate themselves from suppressive psychologically abusive relations that pin them down.

“Psychological Abuse – How to move on” has earned its space on the shelves in my practice, and I am very happy to refer to it.

Review by Vitha Weitemeyer. Psychologist and author of ”Forelsket i en drøm” (In love with a dream)
 

“In a psychologically abusive relationship, you are the victim of extensive manipulation and systematic degradation, which causes the offended party to live with confusion, anxiety and insecurity. The offender craves power and control and, in reality, the struggle to be the strong one in a relationship reflects a weakness in the offender who suffers from a crippled self-image.

Signe M. Hegestand’s book is relevant to a large number of people who either live in or have lived in a psychologically abusive relationship. I know from first-hand experience with clients in my own practice. Most of the victims are women. “Psychological Abuse – How to move on” is a deeply personal book, in which the author is generous in sharing her own experience all the while using her knowledge and experience as a professional psychologist.

The book can be helpful to those who experience an ex-partner flashing his new, “happy” life on social media. Such clients often revert to self-criticism and self-bashing i.e., “apparently, she is much better”, “I am not good enough”. Which is the very purpose of parading around a new, terrific life. These people need compassion and guidance, which the book delivers by reminding them that – for the love of God – they were not happy in the relationship.

The book is particularly helpful to women who have mutual children with a psychologically abusive father. Once more, Hegestand does not refrain from sharing her personal experience which renders the book very credible. “Psychological Abuse” is an easy-to-read book, which is intended to help and support women who are in a difficult situation. In its open-hearted manner and with its good advice and reflections, it helps these women along the way. The book is equipped with a toolbox of specific directions about how to handle having children with a psychologically abusive ex-partner.

Hegestand is absorbed by the choices a person has to make to achieve a renewed sense of purpose and joy of life. It is important not to cultivate a victim-role when you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship but rather to work on being your own master. It is important not to label the love of the problematic relationship as wrong. The author underlines the importance of forgiveness. Which must not be confused with accepting the transgressions and betrayal. To forgive the unforgivable is to let go and, thereby, freeing yourself. Forgiveness is a choice as well as process.

At the end of the book, the author reflects on whether she should have used herself as example as much as she does. And she owns her choice, thereby breaking a predominant taboo among psychologists concerning self-exposition. Her intent was to break the taboo about psychological abuse by giving the reader a first-hand account.

I deeply respect her choice. I am certain there are many takes on whether it is too much and whether the book is too personal. One thing remains certain; the book is a good tool for many people in their struggle to liberate themselves from suppressive psychologically abusive relations that pin them down.

“Psychological Abuse – How to move on” has earned its space on the shelves in my practice, and I am very happy to refer to it.

Recommendation from the Danish Psychological Association. By Merete Gudmand-Høyer, psychologist

In her book, “Psychological Abuse – How to move on”, Signe Hegestand provides a thorough and comprehensive description of psychological abuse in relationships. The book is divided into manageable chapters, which serve to provide a relevant and broad understanding of psychological abuse.

The initial chapters define psychological abuse, power, control and manipulation. SH describes how to recognise the abuse and how devastating it is to fall prey to it.

Next, the nature and dynamic of the abuse as well as the psychological mechanisms that make the abused party confused and insecure are described. SH explains splitting, projection as well as the values, desires and dreams that can capture and keep you in the relation.

Then SH looks at the internal dynamic that can keep people in an abusive relation, including childhood experiences, attachment styles, survival strategies, boundaries, experiences with love, guilt and shame.

Finally, the reader is assisted in returning to herself. The chapters include psychological first aid, care of self, how to let go of the victim role, forgiveness, finding a new purpose of life and moving on to a new love relation. Furthermore, the challenges that often arise when breaking out of an abusive relationship are described. Frequently, the abuse continues even after the relationship is over, transforming into new ways that may even hurt any mutual children.

The purpose of the book is to provide substantial knowledge about abuse, abuse mechanisms, relations and, not least, how to move on. The book is written for women, as it is primarily women who are victims of abusive relationships.

SH is a psychologist and has been in – and broke out of – a psychologically abusive relationship. As a psychologist, she has a long-standing experience working with people who are trapped in and break out of abusive relationships. SH illustrates the abuse through many cases as well as her own, personal experiences. The combination of personal experiences, cases, psychological knowledge and experience is what lends a special strength to this book

SH leaves no doubt that psychological abuse is unacceptable, but is careful to avoid condemning the abuser and, throughout the book, maintains a neutral language. The purpose of this book is to inform about the mechanisms of abuse, what you can do to avoid ending up in an abusive relationship, identifying the abuse once you are in a relationship, and how to break out and move on. The book’s neutral and professional descriptions set a tone that shines a terrifying light on the horror of abuse.

“Psychological Abuse – How to move on” is published in the wake of Denmark making psychological abuse a criminal offence. The book contains valuable information about how to identify psychological abuse, which may otherwise be very subtle and difficult to put into words. Thus, the book contains important definitions for professionals and people in abusive relationships alike. To do something about psychological abuse you must know how to recognise and define it.

The book is directed at people who are victims of psychological abuse and to all professionals who treat people in psychologically abusive relationships. Psychological abuse is much more common than we might imagine. Furthermore, the violence is often subtle and hidden. Therefore, the tools in the book to identify psychological abuse are relevant to all professionals in the care, aid and family justice system. 

Review by Vitha Weitemeyer. Psychologist and author of ”Forelsket i en drøm” (In love with a dream)
 

“In a psychologically abusive relationship, you are the victim of extensive manipulation and systematic degradation, which causes the offended party to live with confusion, anxiety and insecurity. The offender craves power and control and, in reality, the struggle to be the strong one in a relationship reflects a weakness in the offender who suffers from a crippled self-image.

Signe M. Hegestand’s book is relevant to a large number of people who either live in or have lived in a psychologically abusive relationship. I know from first-hand experience with clients in my own practice. Most of the victims are women. “Psychological Abuse – How to move on” is a deeply personal book, in which the author is generous in sharing her own experience all the while using her knowledge and experience as a professional psychologist.

The book can be helpful to those who experience an ex-partner flashing his new, “happy” life on social media. Such clients often revert to self-criticism and self-bashing i.e., “apparently, she is much better”, “I am not good enough”. Which is the very purpose of parading around a new, terrific life. These people need compassion and guidance, which the book delivers by reminding them that – for the love of God – they were not happy in the relationship.

The book is particularly helpful to women who have mutual children with a psychologically abusive father. Once more, Hegestand does not refrain from sharing her personal experience which renders the book very credible. “Psychological Abuse” is an easy-to-read book, which is intended to help and support women who are in a difficult situation. In its open-hearted manner and with its good advice and reflections, it helps these women along the way. The book is equipped with a toolbox of specific directions about how to handle having children with a psychologically abusive ex-partner.

Hegestand is absorbed by the choices a person has to make to achieve a renewed sense of purpose and joy of life. It is important not to cultivate a victim-role when you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship but rather to work on being your own master. It is important not to label the love of the problematic relationship as wrong. The author underlines the importance of forgiveness. Which must not be confused with accepting the transgressions and betrayal. To forgive the unforgivable is to let go and, thereby, freeing yourself. Forgiveness is a choice as well as process.

At the end of the book, the author reflects on whether she should have used herself as example as much as she does. And she owns her choice, thereby breaking a predominant taboo among psychologists concerning self-exposition. Her intent was to break the taboo about psychological abuse by giving the reader a first-hand account.

I deeply respect her choice. I am certain there are many takes on whether it is too much and whether the book is too personal. One thing remains certain; the book is a good tool for many people in their struggle to liberate themselves from suppressive psychologically abusive relations that pin them down.

“Psychological Abuse – How to move on” has earned its space on the shelves in my practice, and I am very happy to refer to it.

Recommendation from the Danish Psychological Association. By Merete Gudmand-Høyer, psychologist

In her book, “Psychological Abuse – How to move on”, Signe Hegestand provides a thorough and comprehensive description of psychological abuse in relationships. The book is divided into manageable chapters, which serve to provide a relevant and broad understanding of psychological abuse.

The initial chapters define psychological abuse, power, control and manipulation. SH describes how to recognise the abuse and how devastating it is to fall prey to it.

Next, the nature and dynamic of the abuse as well as the psychological mechanisms that make the abused party confused and insecure are described. SH explains splitting, projection as well as the values, desires and dreams that can capture and keep you in the relation.

Then SH looks at the internal dynamic that can keep people in an abusive relation, including childhood experiences, attachment styles, survival strategies, boundaries, experiences with love, guilt and shame.

Finally, the reader is assisted in returning to herself. The chapters include psychological first aid, care of self, how to let go of the victim role, forgiveness, finding a new purpose of life and moving on to a new love relation. Furthermore, the challenges that often arise when breaking out of an abusive relationship are described. Frequently, the abuse continues even after the relationship is over, transforming into new ways that may even hurt any mutual children.

The purpose of the book is to provide substantial knowledge about abuse, abuse mechanisms, relations and, not least, how to move on. The book is written for women, as it is primarily women who are victims of abusive relationships.

SH is a psychologist and has been in – and broke out of – a psychologically abusive relationship. As a psychologist, she has a long-standing experience working with people who are trapped in and break out of abusive relationships. SH illustrates the abuse through many cases as well as her own, personal experiences. The combination of personal experiences, cases, psychological knowledge and experience is what lends a special strength to this book

SH leaves no doubt that psychological abuse is unacceptable, but is careful to avoid condemning the abuser and, throughout the book, maintains a neutral language. The purpose of this book is to inform about the mechanisms of abuse, what you can do to avoid ending up in an abusive relationship, identifying the abuse once you are in a relationship, and how to break out and move on. The book’s neutral and professional descriptions set a tone that shines a terrifying light on the horror of abuse.

“Psychological Abuse – How to move on” is published in the wake of Denmark making psychological abuse a criminal offence. The book contains valuable information about how to identify psychological abuse, which may otherwise be very subtle and difficult to put into words. Thus, the book contains important definitions for professionals and people in abusive relationships alike. To do something about psychological abuse you must know how to recognise and define it.

The book is directed at people who are victims of psychological abuse and to all professionals who treat people in psychologically abusive relationships. Psychological abuse is much more common than we might imagine. Furthermore, the violence is often subtle and hidden. Therefore, the tools in the book to identify psychological abuse are relevant to all professionals in the care, aid and family justice system.